


Coral Crowns and Sea Sounds

by Demon_Cookie101



Series: A side of Amporafam, hold the sauce [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Emotional Conversations, but its not really a focus, eventual erisol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2019-06-23 17:01:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15610860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demon_Cookie101/pseuds/Demon_Cookie101
Summary: Feferi finally drags Eridan off for a talk, under the guise of showing him cute sea life.(They maybe both cry a little.)





	Coral Crowns and Sea Sounds

**Author's Note:**

> *Slams hands down* these two deserve to be happy with themselves and be friends again without any extra bullshit.

TA: riight

TA: II am not playiing awkward mediiator for you two any longer

CA: wwhat

TA: IIm puttiing my foot down okay iit2 for the damn BE2T

CA: i literally havvent the faintest idea of wwhat youre talkin about sol

CA: are you sure you havve the right person here?

CA: like hello?

CA: its me?

CA: currently sittin on a boat in a harbour havvin wwoken up like two minutes ago?

TA: II know who you are ED and youre goiin to thank me later

CA: for wwhat?

CA: wwhat are you doin sol?

Dualscar calls down to you from the cockpit, and he sounds amused. You wait, just a few minutes, to see whether Sollux’ll get his act together and stop being so cryptic. He doesn’t, because he’s obviously got some kinda idea in his head that involves you.

You haven’t even done anything! You only just arrived back in the harbour last night! You haven’t even poked your head out of your cabin yet, because like you said to Sol, you’ve only just woken up!

Dual calls down to you again, and you drag yourself up and out into the cockpit, phone in hand and irritated expression sitting nicely on your face.

You’re expecting to see Dualscar, probably checking the reels of the rods again and or sharping his knife for filleting.

You are not expecting to see Feferi sitting on the opposite seat.

You… may have been avoiding her. You apologised to her the most, at different stages in your death and the sincerity and lack of bitterness in each apology depended on how much the hell-angels in your dreambubble had torn your body apart again.

(A lie. Only once did you apologise and not mean it. The guilt after she left hurt more than feeling your body rip in half again. You _hurt her_. Out of everyone, she was the one you didn’t want to hurt the most.)

In this new world however, you’ve seen her once, right when you woke up the first time, before you ran away and hid on an island no one knew of.

Now, though, she’s got the same smile as always, easy-going and full of teeth, but there’s something to her face. Like she knows you’ve been deliberately avoiding her despite the fact that she’s probably had people tell you she’s looking for you.

Like Vris tried to and Sol definitely has.

Speaking of… You hold up one finger when she opens her mouth, look down at your phone and type quickly.

CA: i fuckin hate you

You throw the phone back down the stairwell and listen to the satisfying sound of it landing on the couch that’s right there, and not on the floor. Your aim, as always, is impeccable.

“I found a thing!” Fef’s excited, and that stupid soft part of you that still loves her softens. You hate that part. It hurts because you can’t have her, and you never could, you never deserved the kindness of Feferi Peixes, and when you figured that out you’d already lost her.

You don’t say anything, just blink. Yes, you can believe that she found a thing. You’ve found multiple things since waking up alive, every single thing in the ocean and each probably more adorable than the last.

You found a shark with big ol’ eyes that goes really fast. You love it, it’s fun to race, even if you’re not as fast yet.

(Dual says you’ll probably be as fast, one day, considering the way your fins are growing.)

“And?” you finally say, which is probably not the right thing to say, but you don’t know how to talk to Fef. Kan at least got the memo of staying frosty, which you deserve. Sollux just ignores you telling him that he should leave you alone for his own good, and Karkat just…

You don’t like to think about Kar.

Fef should be doing the same, you fucked up so much shit for her, and yeah okay, she could’ve helped you. She could’ve calmed you, because you’ve always listened to her, always backed down for her.

She charged at you instead, so you killed her. She should be doing the same, shouldn’t be wanting to reach out to you because she’s _free_ there’s nothing here for her to be afraid of she’s _free_ and she should throw you under a goddamn bus but…

But she’s not doing the same as the other people you cared about. She keeps trying to talk to you and you don’t know how to answer and you’re _scared_ and-

Dual grabs you by the back of your shirt and dumps you overboard. A second later, Fef joins you.

“What the _fuck_ ,” it comes out in a stream of bubbles and Fef laughs. You miss her laugh.

Dualscar’s leaning over the edge when you look up at him, and he just waves at you before leaning back out of view. You must have a pretty good insulted expression going on (and because it’s you, and you may have practiced this when you gave a shit, it is) because Fef laughs again. She lets you swim up to drop your glasses on the edge of the seat before she grabs your wrist, which startles you again, and starts swimming.   
The marina isn’t as clean as the bay or the island you and Dual always go to, but it’s nowhere near as bad as back on Alternia. You can breathe easily, freely, without having to worry about rushing back hive to run a solution through your gills so they don’t get infected.

Fef’s hair is a cloud as she drags you along, and while you’re still taller (and thinner, but Fef’s deepsea, so that will always be a thing), you may be hanging back a little.

You don’t know where she’s taking you, you don’t know what’s going on and you _hate_ not knowing.

You don’t want to ask, either.

You sort of just want to go curl up in a pile of blankets and hide.

Fef drags you out of the marina and further into the bay, travelling along the ocean floor while shadows of boats glide around you. At one point she stops, hovering there with a tight grip on your wrist as she figures out her way around. You sort of know the direction she’s going, because you swim this way when you’re finding the shark again. Or that other one you found, the ones that sort of bumble along all peaceful like and show you where to get the best fish.

You know they have proper names, species names, but you haven’t yet picked up the book with it in, and you don’t want to ask one of the humans. You give them sea-names instead, technically gibberish sea-tongue sounds that you make at them. You told Dual you named the big dopey one that kept swimming into the keel after him, just to see what he would do.

You were quite surprised when he just pointed at a smaller shark with a white tip on its dorsal fin and said “that one’s you then”.

Your ancestor confuses you, because he’s becoming less and less scary. That’s supposed to be a good thing, but you don’t know what to do with things that don’t scare you in a way you can react and defend yourself from.

Like with Fef. If she were carrying her trident this would be a lot easier, because you could prepare yourself for a potential attack. She’s just dragging you along without a word and without a weapon.

You come to the outer reef of one of the large islands, where the white-tip shark is. Fef stops, tilting her fins this way and that before grinning wide and dragging you straight down. You cough water the wrong way at the abrupt drag and scowl, finally pulling your hand free and cradling it against your chest. It doesn’t hurt, for as strong as she is Fef only held on tight enough to keep you from escaping, but you need to hold onto something right now. Your hand’s the kindest thing around, comfort wise.

You float next to the coral, lowering your feet to stand on the sand while Fef dives forward and scoops something up.

“Look!” She holds it out to you, fins wiggling around and a ridiculously happy expression on her face. You stare at her for a few seconds, because the last time you saw her this happy in your direction, you hadn’t even heard of the hell game you were all dragged into.

You miss her.

You look down at her hands because it’s easier than looking her in the eye. She’s holding a tiny white thing in her hands, and it takes a second to focus on it. You don’t need your glasses underwater, not with how the water helps to balance your vision, but it’s still tiny. She holds it higher for you, and you know that your face is doing something ridiculous because that tiny little thing is absolutely adorable.

It’s got small black antenna and little black dots all over it and it looks so cute.

You want to hold it, but don’t because you’re you, and you’re not good with pretty things. Your hands are only good at holding things that kill.

Fef dumps it (carefully) into your hands anyway, quieting your flailing with a look and cupping her hands around yours. You’re sitting on the sand in a reef with a tiny white slug thing in your hands.

Definitely not what you expected to happen this morning.

“Jade told me that they’re a type of nudibranch. It’s similar to the giant slug lusii that used to be on the deep cliff walls, but-”

“But really really small. And cute. And less likely to fall on us and squish us?”

She flicks you on the fin. Rude. “Reely reely small, yeah. They come in a lot of different colours and stuff, and there’s all books about them and they’re so cute!” She moves her hand to hold yours again, looking down at the sea slug. “It’s sometimes called a sea bunny, because it looks a bit like an Earthen hopbeast.” Fef glances up at you and shrugs. “I don’t really know how, because I saw a photo of hopbeasts and this doesn’t look much like it.”

You can agree with that. You carefully tip the sea bunny back into her hands and tuck your hands under your legs. You don’t want to squish it by accident. It’s too pretty for you to hold, at least if it’s out of your hands you can admire it without fear of ruining it. She puts it back onto the sponge she scooped it up from and looks at it, which is perfectly fine with you.

“You’re still hiding, Eridan.”

You can’t help wincing, because even though it’s true, the way she says it makes it sound like you’re not supposed to be. Like it’s a bad thing that you stay away from everyone who ever knew you unless you have to.

“This is supposed to be a new start for everyone.”  
“I’m not killin’ anythin’, or hurtin’ anyone or fightin’.” That’s a new start for you, right? What else would anyone expect?  
“That’s… You’re not supposed to be hiding. You don’t come to any of the meet ups, no one sees you unless they’re by the marina or a bookstore. Sollux says you only talk to him if he talks to you, and you don’t answer me.” You look at your knees instead of at Feferi’s face. You don’t want to see her expression, because the hot guilt that’s pulling at your gut is already bad enough. You should have known she was dragging you somewhere to talk, even if she really did want to show you the sea bunny.  
“That’s supposed to be a good thing though. You know no one liked havin’ me around, I’m just makin’ it easier for them now. And Sol’s supposed to not talk to me! I told him that and he just keeps doin’ it because he’s irritatin’ and wrong.” Stupid mindmate with his stupid logical reasonings and smug disposition that he says he picked up from you. You miss him too.

You miss a lot of things. Things you don’t deserve.

You hear Fef make a sharp glub noise, the one she always made when she was irritated with you. You scowl at the sand. “Why’re you even doin’ this. Why’re you talkin’ to me. You’re supposed to be happy that you don’t have to deal with me all the time anymore.”  
“Is that what you think?” Her voice sounds wrong, wrong enough that you look up at her. She looks close to tears. Oh shit, what did you do?  
“You think that I’m happy that Kanaya updates everyone that you aren’t changing, even though you have? Do you think I’m happy that I have to wait until Sollux tells me that he’s managed to get you to talk about what you’re doing out here instead of letting him talk? Do you think I’m happy that I had to hide and wait to talk to your ancestor without you around to find out whether you were okay and happy, only to find out that he’s worried about you too? You’re supposed to get a new start too!” She’s going to start crying soon and you _hate_ Fef crying because it should never happen, Fef should never cry and the only times you’ve seen her cry have been your fault. Always your fault, whether you got injured or because you were mean and scared and stupid.

Fef crying makes you cry.

“Everyone else is happy, though! I’m not annoyin’ anyone, I’m doin’ good! I’m leavin’ them alone so they don’t have to deal with me and my stupid problems.” You don’t know what to say to her. “I’m happy! I don’t have to worry about anythin’ or hurt anyone and I get to go in the ocean whenever I want instead of havin’ to worry about the pollution.”  
“But you’re lonely.”  
“So! That was never a problem before!”

Fef starts crying, and despite yourself, you make a tight distressed noise in the back of your throat.

“You’re supposed to hate me.” You didn’t want to say that, but it’s what came out. “You’re supposed to hate me, and to go on with your life bein’ everythin’ you were always destined to be without me there hurtin’ you and draggin’ you down. You’re supposed to be happy and have all your friends and listen to the stories. That’s not for me, I don’t get that. You did so much better than me on—on Alternia and in the game and… I did nothin’. I—I didn’t help or… or…”  
“You told the truth.” Fef’s voice always sounds weird when she’s crying.  
You make a wordless noise of confusion, because so what? Lying takes too much effort to maintain and you couldn’t lie to Fef, then.  
“You told the truth. You never once lied to me, even after I dropped you as my moirail. You told me you wanted to join Jack because it was the best choice you could see, you told me you wanted to take me with you because I deserved to live the most and you couldn’t let me die by whatever you were told was going to happen. You told me the consorts in your land were worse than any of us could imagine. You told me the truth even though the truth wasn’t what I wanted to hear and yes, you were horrible. You were scared and angry and didn’t know what to do.”  
“ _No one_ did, it’s not an _excuse_ -”  
“So why does that mean that you have to isolate yourself? Gamzee comes into town every week to see Karkat and Tavros and look at all the cafes. Vriska drags her ancestor all over the place and butts in on everyone’s business. Why did you have to take it that you did far worse than them and shouldn’t be allowed to let yourself be happy.”  
“Because it’s _me_.” She doesn’t get it. She doesn’t get it, you can see it in her face and you don’t know how to explain to her how you can’t have the comfort of having friends because you aren’t made for that. You’re a killer, always have been, and just because you don’t have to go around ruining your life by destroying others doesn’t mean you suddenly aren’t one. Vris and Gam… they managed to keep some kin’a friendship going, even after everything they did.

You ruined yours even before you died. Fef and Sol just don’t know how to let go.

“You’ve been forgiven, Eridan. I told you this, when I found you. You can’t keep using your guilt as a means of hurting yourself more by constantly isolating yourself!” You ignore the fact that you’re nearly crying now too, because what does it matter. The water will hide it, that’s never changed.

You fold your arms across your gut, hands pressed tight to your sides, but like that you can feel the thick scar around your waist and that makes you flinch.

Feferi’s hands guide you into leaning on her as she settles in front of you. You resist, you have to, this isn’t yours, you _killed her_.  
But Fef’s always been stronger than you, and you miss her. Leaning into her hug is like curling up with a good book and a blanket, familiar and safe and comforting, and it makes you cry.

You hide your face in her shoulder, move your arms around her waist. She’s just holding you, not shushing you or doing anything more than being comforting. It fits her more than you thought, more than you used to wish. Fits her more than any quad you tried to put her in, and something in you eases at that realisation.

“You need to talk to people again.” She’s talking into your hair, pinching at your elbow until you nod. “Even if it’s not face to face, just log on more often. Go online in the chat. Nep and I, we added you and Sollux into a chat. A sprite chat, because you two survived the longest together, and Sollux has figured out a lot of the weird things me and Nepeta keep feeling is based on being a sprite because of what he says he has with you.” She pinches you again when you squirm, determinedly ignoring the jumble of things that you’ve labelled ‘Sol’ in your head. You know what she’s doing, though. You know she’s giving you an out of the thoughts that make you hurt.

“You’re the smart one. You can help more, explain Sollux’s words better.”  
“M’not. It’s all instinctual based, anyway.” You don’t want to let her go. You’ve missed her.  
“Yeah see, Shoallux was tryin’ to go on about chemical inbalances in the brain and the balanced dependency we had. Yours makes more sense.” It’s nice to hear her pun again.  
“S’cuz Sol’s got big words in his head now and he doesn’t know how to use half of them.” Well he does, but he was probably trying to use them wrong to goad you into correcting him in the chat, (which you definitely would if you ever dared to open that chat) therefore making you…

That sonuvabitch.

“Sol’s a piece of shit.” You inform Fef’s shoulder, and smile when she laughs and hugs you tighter. She lets go, you do the same, and help her untangle her hair from where it got caught on coral. She doesn’t move away when you carefully lean your shoulder against hers.

“You like him.” She’s teasing, poking you in the ribs when you don’t bolt fast enough. That gets you up and away from her, fins flushed and making you look silly.  
“I don’t.”

Fef grins at you, all sharp teeth and secrets. You throw coral at her, and shriek appropriately when she lunges at you with a handful of gross slimy seaweed. Where the fuck did she find that? This is all coral!

You dart away from Fef, twisting your body to slingshot around coral bommies and streak past her. You still feel sort of wrung out and raw, because it still feels wrong. Fef shouldn’t be swimming after you, grinning wide and laughing and happy to be here with you, as your friend.

But she is. She is, and it makes you smile against the sharp old ache in your chest.

You grab the seaweed from her, twist around her and shove it down the back of her shirt. It’s her turn to shriek as you tumble away in a cloud of bubbles as you laugh, properly laugh, for what feels like the first time in years.

***

Your name is FEFERI PEIXES, and you are happy.

Your wrigglerhood friend is laughing again. His hair is floating free and wild around his face, and his eyes are crinkly as he grins sharp shark teeth at you and twists away from your grasp.

He’s still hurting, you aren’t blind to that. But for now, he’s laughing and smiling, and even later, hours later, when you’re sitting at the table in the cockpit of his ancestor’s boat, arguing with them both about whether Eridan could name the little nudibranch you found “Feffle”, he’s still smiling.

You stay the night, and grin when Eridan leaves to head into town with a determined look and bright violet fins.

You can’t fix him, you’ve never been the one who could understand him as he needed you to. You can’t fix his mentality or his fears of hurting and never changing.  
But you don’t have to. That’s not your job. You’re his friend, free of the hindrance of a quadrant, and you know you’ll both be happier for it. You’re here for him when he needs to go swim and bitch about nothing and complain right back as you both hunt along the seafloor for the best looking shell. He’s grown, and you know he doesn’t expect the same things he once did from you. You doubt he expects anything at all. You’re okay with that, being friends with Eridan is nicer.

Besides, it just means that when the photo comes through from Sollux of him with Eridan lying curled up, asleep, against his side, it just means you get all the more rights to ribbing him about it when he gets back.

**Author's Note:**

> Bonus: Feferi challenges Dualscar to a oyster shucking contest. She wins. The Amporas are confused and a little afraid.


End file.
